Consequences
by theamck
Summary: Tommy has to deal with his feelings about the night he spent with Barbara. She has rather more to deal with.
1. Chapter 1

Consequences

Thomas Lynley could not forget that night, the one night he had spent with his sergeant, his dear friend. Barbara. He had found himself at her door, having been unable to face another woman, the efforts of flirtation, seduction. He knew that Barbara would let him into her home, give him a drink, the comfort of her understanding. They had talked, he and Barbara, in a way they'd never done before, they came close to acknowledging what they felt for one another, and then he had kissed her.

'Sir," she'd said, her fingers touching her lips, as though to keep the feeling of the kiss. "You're married."

"Am I?" he'd said, "I'm not sure for how much longer. I think Helen is going to ask for a divorce. And you know what? I'm not sure I care. I'm not sure I love her, not sure I ever loved her, not the way…" He hadn't finished his sentence, but that kiss had led them to her bed, and left him with a thought that it was perhaps this woman that he loved, that he might be ready to accept a divorce if it meant that he could be with Barbara.

And it was the very next day that Helen had reappeared, and far from asking for a divorce, she clearly wanted to work at their marriage. He felt that he had no choice; he had to go along with her. So instead of telling Barbara that he was in love with her, he was a coward, never telling her anything, letting her find out for herself that he and Helen were together again, allowing her to feel used and tossed aside. He agonized over the whole appalling situation, feeling trapped and miserable. He was not surprised, a few months later, to learn that Barbara had asked for a transfer, had secured an appointment as a DS in Kent, He had grieved enough during those months when they'd continued to work together, but in a cool, detached way, even when she had defended him to a tribunal. He thought that she had been the stronger, wiser one, finding a way to resolve the mess they were in. He'd written her a rave review, trying to tell her how much he valued her. Treasured her.

He watched her packing up her desk, discarding some papers, saving others. As she passed into a ray of sunshine that outlined her body, he was startled.

"Barbara, will you come into my office please? Now?" She came in and he quietly closed the door behind her.

"Barbara," he said, his voice catching in his throat.

"Sir?"

"Barbara….I think you're…..Are you pregnant?"

She looked down at the almost unobtrusive bump. "Yeah," she said.

"It's mine, isn't it?" he asked, very sure there hadn't been another man in her life, in her bed.

"No," she said firmly. "It's mine."


	2. Chapter 2

Consequences, chapter 2.

As they sat with their coffee one morning, Helen looked intently at her husband. "You never mention Barbara anymore," she said. Pretending to be immersed in the morning paper, he said, "Oh, she left weeks ago, didn't I tell you?"

"No, you didn't," she said, "One of my old colleagues at the Met told me, and I wondered how long it was going to take before you mentioned it.

"Why would I mention it?"  
"Barbara was your partner, the most important person in your –well, l would say your professional life. I"d think you would be devastated."

"Partners come and go," he muttered. This conversation was extremely painful and it was not easy to sound uncaring.

Helen was not going to give up. "My source told me that she was pregnant. Did you know about that?"

"I guess," he said, folding the newspaper and getting up. "I better get to the office. See you tonight, darling?"

"I would like to find out when Barbara's baby is born and go and see it."

"Well, get your 'sources' on it," he said brusquely.

He had been in touch with Barbara through her boss, DI Fiona Knight, but she had refused his attempts to see her. But suddenly, looking at his calendar, he saw a free spot when he could just go to Kent and confront her, have an overdue conversation. He wanted to help her, contribute to the child's support, and most important, have his name on the birth certificate. She was still refusing to admit that the baby was his, but there were no doubts in his mind. This was not something he wanted Helen to know, which made their already awkward relationship even more tense. And he felt he was leading a double life, if only in his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Consequences chapter 3

Tommy parked his car outside the Kent police station, and waited until he saw Barbara come out. He got out of the car and stood in her path.

"Hello, Barbara."

"Sir! What are you doing here?" She frowned and tried to pass. but he wouldn't let her get away. "Please," he said, "one conversation? I so much want to talk to you. And it's so good to see you. You look wonderful."

"Roly-poly," she said dismissively. "What d'you want?"

"Can we go somewhere to talk? Please?" he said, putting out his hand, but not quite touching her.

"There's really nothing to talk about, sir, but if you insist. Five minutes."

She led the way to a small park down the street, and sat down on a bench. He took the seat next to her, and this time, he did touch her hand. "I've missed you so much," he said softly. "And there are things I never got a chance to say, so please hear me out."

She didn't let herself look at him, but gazing into the distance, said, "Go ahead."

He took a deep breath. Could he say everything he wanted in the five minutes she's given him? "Okay. Barbara, I have never forgotten the night we spent together. When I woke that morning, still holding you in my arms, I knew that I was in love with you, and had been for a while. I thought if Helen wanted a divorce, I would welcome it, so that we might be together. But later that very day, Helen appeared, wanting to work at our marriage. I was beset with guilt; I felt I couldn't let her down again, no matter what I wanted. But I was too cowardly to tell you; I was afraid that if I confessed it to you I couldn't go back to her. So I let you go."

"You threw me out with the trash," she said bitterly. "If you had told me all this, I might have understood, but you made me feel used, dirty."

He took her hand and held it tightly. "Oh, my darling girl, no!" He put her hand to his lips and kissed it, over and over. "I don't know what will happen. I hope I can find a way to end my marriage in a decent way, but please let me know our child."

"No, sir," she said looking at the horizon. "I've given this a lot of thought. First of all, you can't be sure that this child is yours, and even if it is, no matter what you say, I think you'll stay with Helen and have children with her and what would that make my son? Better for him to just have me. Fiona is a single parent, and we've talked about creating a kind of family. Her father takes care of her son, and has agreed to look after mine, so that I can go back to work. It will be fine, but only if you stay away."

"A son?" Tommy said with a broad smile. "A son! My son, OUR son. That's wonderful. Barbara, please let me be a father to him."

She stood up, looked at him for the first time, and said only "No" before walking away.


	4. Chapter 4

Consequences 4

As the months went by, Inspector Lynley found less and less interest n his work, and almost none in his marriage. He found he could only think about Barbara. He missed her unbearably both at work and in his heart and soul. He sent her several letters, but when she didn't answer, he continued to write, almost every day, keeping the letters in his desk at work.. He did what he could – he saw his lawyer and his accountant, and set up plans to send financial support to her for the child once it was born. And he spoke to Inspector Knight, and exacted a promise that she would let him know when that happened.

It seemed that Helen did have an old friend or two at the Met who would be able to tell her when the baby arrived. On the very day that he got a message from Inspector Knight, and was arranging to go to Kent, Helen burst into his office. "Barbara's baby was born yesterday," she announced, "and I'm going to see them."

"Well, I'll take you, "he said, "I would like to see her too,"

In the hospital, having seen how much her son looked like Thomas Lynley, Barbara made her boss promise to try keeping him, and especially Helen, from seeing the baby. When they arrived, Helen didn't wait for Tommy to park the car; she simply got out and slammed the door behind her. He found her asking for directions, and they got into the elevator together.

Fiona Knight tried to block the Lynleys from going into the nursery viewing area, but Helen pushed her aside, and said to the nurse "Havers baby, please:" When the nurse went to a bassinet and picked up a baby, walking to the window with him, they both gasped. The infant stretched endearingly and they could see the shock of dark hair, and the unmistakable eyebrows. :" Well," Helen said, "Suspicions certainly confirmed." She turned on her heel and stroke out of the room. Tommy lingered, and stood with Fiona, gazing at the baby. "Do you think I could hold him?" he asked the nurse, who hesitated, having noticed the remarkable resemblance. "I'm about to take him to Ms. Havers, sir, why don't you come with me and see what she says,"

He found Barbara lying in bed, looking tired but unmistakably happy. "Hiya," she said to him, taking the baby from the nurse.

"Barbara, please, will you let me hold him…..just for a moment?" She hesitated. "Just this once, sir." She handed the little bundle to him; he held his son tenderly, and his eyes filled with tears. "Barbara, you can't deny that he's mine, so please will you allow me to be his father, to be involved in his life?"

"No, sir, I told you how I feel about that," she said, taking the baby from him. "Did Helen see him?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Oh God! Poor Helen. Go and find her and see if you can make it up to her, give her some comfort." When he hesitated, she said "GO!" He turned around and left, and finally found Helen standing by his car in the lot. "I'm sorry," he said.

The look she gave him was cold and angry. "I always thought you were having an affair with Barbara. For years, wasn't it?"

He shook his head. "No," he said. "You may not believe me, but we were NOT having an affair. We slept together once….ONCE…when you and I were separated, .and then you came back. I didn't know what to do, but obviously, I made all the wrong choices. I've made neither of you happy, and neither of you may ever forgive me."

"You love her, don't you?" she asked. "If you really weren't having an affair all those years, you can't deny that you were in love with her."

"You're right," he said, "but I didn't really know it."

"Well, you know it now, don't you?"

He nodded. "Yes," he said.


	5. Chapter 5

Consequences 5

Barbara was quite content, raising her son and working in Kent. She and Fiona did well together, though not in the way that she and DI Lynley had worked. It was hard not to think about him as she watched her little boy grow. He looked so much like Tommy that it was funny, though thankfully, no one in Kent seemed to know enough to make the connection. The boy didn't seem to have his father's moody, dark personality, though she reminded herself that she hadn't known Tommy as a child. But he seemed more like her brother – a sweet, sunny disposition, though with his father's sharp intelligence. He talked early, using full sentences, he walked at ten months, figured out puzzles. She was enchanted by his kind and loving nature. The highlight of her day was coming home from work to be greeted by kisses and hugs. He loved Fiona's son Robbie and the man both boys called Granddaddy, She had gotten over her annoyance at the monthly check from the Lynley's law firm, and used it to buy a small house for the two of them. Her house had a big grassy yard, so Mr. Knight spent the days there with both boys. She was even considering getting a dog. Life was good. The only person from the Met that she kept in touch with was Winston Nkata, now a sergeant, who came to visit every few months. He never mentioned Lynley, now a DCI. And refrained from commenting on how much the little boy looked like their old boss.

The highlights of Tommy's days were the few minutes he spent writing to Barbara. The pile of letters in his locked desk drawer had become sizeable, and with them were the photos. He had prevailed on Fiona Knight to send him pictures of the little boy, so he had images of him from his earliest days. He showed them to no one, certainly not to his wife. Helen had her ups and downs. At times, he thought she was three different people. Occasionally, she was his friend, as she had been before they were married, and he appreciated those days more than she knew. At other times, she was the sharp, brittle, angry wife she had been for a long time, disappointed in him. It was during one of those times that she and her lawyer had drawn up an agreement that if she had a son, he would be the 9th earl. But after that, she had been the kinder, more caring woman who had come back, before she learned about Barbara's pregnancy. She asked how Barbara would feel about her own son not inheriting the title, and he smiled. "That's the last thing Barbara would want," he said. It was the first time her name had been mentioned.  
"How is Barbara" she asked, this latest manifestation of Helen.

"I don't really know," he said. "She wants nothing to do with me, and she doesn't want me in the boy's life."

"That must be very hard for you," she said,

"It is," he said, and that was the end of the conversation.


	6. Chapter 6

Consequences 6

Barbara would always remember where she was when she heard that Helen had been killed. She quickly arranged for the Knights to take care of her boy and drove to London, making it to the church just in time for the service. She hadn't seen Tommy in two years and her heart ached when she saw how devastated he looked. She barely listened to the service, just keeping her eyes on him. He stood in the vestibule acknowledging people but suddenly turned and left before she got to him. She tried to follow him but he took off in his car before she could reach him. She drove around and suddenly saw that he had parked near the hill where they had sat several times to rehash a case. She found a spot for her car and climbed up to sit next to him on the bench overlooking the city. There was such pain in his eyes as he greeted her, and she decided to just sit with him without talking. Eventually, she stood, kissed him gently on his cheek and left. He waited till she was gone before bursting into tears.

Over the next few months, she tried several times to reach him, but the times he answered, he was clearly drunk and she hung up. She heard from Winston that he was drinking heavily, on leave from the Met, barely functioning. Finally she decided to go to see him, confront him. She realized that the years had done nothing to dampen her love for him. She was no longer angry; she just longed to see if she could help him. She had leave coming up, so once again, she left her son with Fiona and drove to London.

"What the hell is this?" she said, pushing her way into the dark, untidy flat that reeked of alcohol. "And when have you eaten?" He glared at her, unshaven, clearly unwashed too.

"What are you doing here?"

She frowned. "It looks like I've come to save you, you ponce. Now get yourself into the shower while I fix you some food." He seemed to obey her without thinking, and while he was gone, she changed the sheets on his bed, found some clear soup and toasted several slices of bread; He ate the simple meal without speaking and again obeyed her when she took him to the bedroom and urged him into his bed. While he slept, she threw out the many empty bottles and the spoiled food in the refrigerator, and tidied the rest of the flat, accumulating a pile of laundry, wondering how she could reach Mr. Denton, if he was still part of Tommy's life.

Several hours later, he woke, feeling less dreadful than on the many previous days. He put his hand over his heart. Barbara was here! He showered again, enjoying the feeling, and then put on clean clothes, He found Barbara in a tidy kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee, and scrambling some eggs. As they ate together, he felt another weight leaving his body.

"So why are you here, really?" he said, reaching across the table to touch her arm.

"I had heard that you were drinking yourself to death," she said, "and I thought that was not the way to honor Helen, to mourn the loss of the love of your life.. So I.… 

"WHAT?" he interrupted. "Is that what you think?" She nodded. "Oh Barbara, what has been consuming me is guilt. Helen was never the love of my life. I let her down over and over again, and she…well, she showed me the worst parts of herself too." This time he took her hand and held it. "Barbara, the love of my life is you. Always has been. I stayed with Helen because she threatened a messy divorce. Said she'd tell the tabloids about you… you and our baby. Asked if I could imagine the photos of our son. I couldn't do that to you. She promised that if I gave her a son, she would file for a quiet divorce, naming no one. But she never got pregnant."

She scowled. "But you tried, yeah? Made love to her?"

"I think not," he said. "We had sex occasionally, not comfortably. I just thought of you, and how much I loved you. But it didn't work, not the way she wanted." He stood up and pulled her to her feet, pulling her close. "Oh my dearest girl, my Barbara, can you ever forgive me? Could you possibly love me again?"

She nestled her head into his chest, trying not to cry. "I've never stopped."


	7. Chapter 7

Consequences 7

Tommy watched Barbara pack her few things, ready to leave for home.  
"But you said you still love me," he said,

She looked at him. "You need to learn, Sir, that love is not enough. You hurt me so badly, do you think it will be that easy to forgive you? To let all that pain not matter? I've lived with loving you and being alone. I can go on that way."

"Will you wait here for a bit longer? I have some things to show you. I'll be back in half an hour,"

He left, hoping that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew at this hour. He needed to get to the Met and to that locked drawer where he kept all the letters he had written to her over the many months they'd been apart. When he returned to the flat, she was waiting impatiently. "Please take these," he said, giving her the large envelope, "read them and maybe we can talk then." She allowed him to put his arms around her and hold her close. "I love you, Barbara, and I hope I can make that matter." He watched sadly as she

left.

In the next few days, whenever she had a free moment, Barbara would read some of the many letters. She started with the earliest ones, written right after he had walked out on her. He had written of his misery, confusion, guilt. He felt he couldn't let Helen down again, but was devastated at having left Barbara. He wanted to be with her, he had written over and over again, be with her during her pregnancy. There were letters about how joyful he'd felt when he'd seen the baby, how awful that she wouldn't let him share in their child's life. He'd done whst he could, fearing that she'd be furious at his throwing his money at her, thinking he considered her another problem to be solved. She smiled ruefully reading this; it was exactly how she'd felt, until Fiona told her to take the money and buy a house.

There were letters about Helen virtually blackmailing him, threatening to hire detectives to take photos of her and her son which she'd send to every tabloid in the country knowing how she, Barbara, would feel about this. Feeling paralyzed.

Barbara recognized the old pull toward forgiveness that she'd always had with him, understanding, in spite of herself, how awful he did feel. Could she forgive him, she asked herself. pulling still another letter from the pile, would her feelings for him work as they always had? She began to look forward to the end of the day, after tucking her son into bed, to spend an hour or so with the letters. She enjoyed the later ones, often just a few notes, about a case he was working on, or comments about some of the people she'd known at the Met. It was like having him there, chatting. When she came to the end of them, she felt an acute sense of loss, something she thought she'd gotten over. This was the man she loved, she thought, and maybe she could let him back in her life. But warily, not sure she could ever quite trust him. She texted him an invitation to come visit for the weekend. She did it, despite apprehensions. It would be the first time he and their son would be meeting.

Tommy was very excited, but vowed that he would take Barbara's lead. He pulled up at her house and his heart lifted at the sight of Barbara in the doorway, with the child at her side. He kissed her cheek, murmuring, "You've never told me his name!"

She smiled, "This is Terry. You should ask him to tell you his full name. He likes to do that," and bending to the boy, added, "Don't you?" He smiled a warm grin and put out his hand to shake Tommy's. "I'm called Terry, " he said, "after Mummy's brother, but my name is Thomas Terence Havers Lynley." Tommy started to respond, but Barbara shook her head. "This is Inspector Lynley," she said to the boy, "and we are all going to have lunch together."

It was an easy and relaxed meal, and Tommy was soon enchanted by his son, who chattered away about the things he liked, the things he did. He spoke so well for a child of 2 ½. And it warmed his heart that Barbara was, as he would have expected, a wonderful mother. She had taught the boy better table manners than her own! She was loving and humorous, drawing them both out. When she heard Terry say "Is Inspector your name? Auntie Fiona is an inspector too, but that's not her name."

"Why don't you tell him your name," she said.

"Well, it's a lot like yours," he said to the boy. "I'm Thomas Lynley. People call me Tommy."

"My Auntie Judiff calls me "Little Tommy!" he said.

"I think she does that because you do look a lot like me."

"Do you know my Auntie Judiff?"

Tommy nodded. "She's my sister.  
"Oh do you have a sister? I wish I did."  
"I also have a brother."

"I have a sort of brother, " Terry said, "Robbie Knight and I are like brothers, even if we aren't really, but I think it would be nice to have a sister."

He smiled at Barbara. "We'll have to see if we can do something about that."

He was disappointed but not surprised that she had put him in the spare room to sleep, but knowing that she was so close seemed to bring him peace and he slept well. The next day went as well as the first. They went for a long walk, and when he reached for her hand, Barbara didn't pull away. In the evening, they bathed Terry together, and Tommy read him a story before they tucked him into bed.

"Time for you to go back to London," she said when they left the nursery.

"Please, Barbara, let me stay a while. We need to talk. Did you read my letters?"

"Yes, I did, all of them."

"So you see that I never forgot about you – or Terry. I never stopped loving you, and I never stopped hoping that you'd forgive me, that we could have a life together. All of us." He pulled her close to him. "Barbara, please, can we be a family?"

"I'll think about it. But I'm not sure I could ever trust you the way I once did."

"I'll have to convince you," he said, kissing her, a kiss that grew in passion and longing.

"Barbara, I've never forgotten that night we spent together. Please, may I spend tonight with you? Let me show you how much I love you?"

She pulled away, thinking he couldn't know how difficult this was for her. "Not yet," she said. I'm not ready to move so fast."


	8. Chapter 8

Consequences 8

Tommy came to Kent the next two weekends, and each evening, after putting Terry to bed, they talked. And talked. Barbara asked questions, which Tommy tired to answer honestly and thoughtfully. He told her about Helen. "I loved having her as a friend," he said, "but when I decided I was in love with her….." He stopped. "Barbara, it was YOU who told me I was in love with her! It was a mistake; I don't think I ever really felt that for her. And she thought I was not a good choice. Not for her, she said. And I'm afraid she was right." He reached across to take Barbara's hand. "I had begun to realize that I was happy when I was with you. At work, after work, But I was haunted by guilt about Helen, that I didn't love her, that I wasn't happy about her pregnancy, and then when she lost the baby, I turned my back on her."  
Barbara stopped him. "I'm sorry, sir, that isn't the way I saw it. I saw you with her, you held her, you tried to comfort her, and you said you would find who had done this to her; I know she felt you'd let her down, but I didn't see that."

"Well, she did, and when she left me, I tried to talk to her. But I got busy with work, and spent more time with you, and I realized that I was happier than when I was with her. And then one night…..well, you know about that night."

"Yeah, " she said.

"Barbara, you read my letters. I was so happy that night and I knew that I was in love with you, my scrappy little sergeant, I thought I'd call Helen and see if she was ready to get divorced, and then you and I could be together."  
"And she didn't want a divorce," she said.

"No.' He stood up and began pacing the floor of her small living room. "I was flooded with guilt, guilt about you, about her, about my mother. I felt a complete failure, a total screw up."

She stopped him and put her arms around him. "No," she said, "No." And that night, she led him to her bed. But in the morning, though she smiled warmly, she wouldn't talk about it, about them.

A few days later, having a free afternoon, he called Barbara to ask if he could spend the rest of the day with Terry. He found the two boys with Mr. Knight in the large yard, kicking a ball, a game in which Tommy cheerfully joined. They sprawled on the grass and Terry came to sit within his arms. Tommy kissed his head and held him tightly. "Terry," he whispered, "do you know that I'm your father?" "Yes, " the child whispered back, "Mummy told me." Tommy whooped with joy, setting them all off in gales of laughter. "So, from now on," Terry said, "I'm going to call you Daddy, Mummy thought that would make you very happy."

Tommy stood and swung the boy around in circles, shouting "YES! YES! YES!"

They were still in a state of euphoria when Barbara came home, and they both hugged and kissed her. "I have two parents," Terry said, his arms around her. "Mummy and DADDY"

She laughed, "Well, I'm glad you worked that out," she said. "C'mon, let's go get something for supper." Mr. Knight and Robbie declined and went home, and the little family of three went to pick up some takeaway. After a walk, they came home to bathe Terry and put him to bed.

"Barbara, are you ready to talk about the future? I want so much for us to be married – will you marry me?" He had his grandmother's small ring in his pocket, thinking it just right for her.

But she was frowning. "I think you just want Terry for your heir."

"You impossible woman!" he said with a grin. "I want YOU for my wife. And of course since Terry is my son, he'd be my heir, but that's totally unimportant. My love, I just want us all to live together….."  
"Where?" she interrupted.

"Where? Wherever you want!"

"Yeah? I don't see you wanting to live here, in my little house."

"If that's what you want, I'll happily live here" he said, while thinking about an addition that would make the house just a bit bigger. "But I'd have to find a job here, with the Kent police force. It'd be a bit of a commute to London."

She looked down, somewhat shamefaced. "I thought you'd want us to live at Howenstowe."

"Someday, maybe, but now just for the odd visit. But I want to talk to you about my mother.– Judith has told her about Terry and she is longing to meet him."

"Not at Howenstowe," she said firmly. "I don't want to make him uncomfortable with that pile, the way I felt when I first went. Would she come here?"

"I'm sure she would." He pulled her close. "So do you have an answer? Will you…?"

"Maybe. Let's get one thing after another done. Your mother first. I'm sure she wants Terry, but he is MINE first and foremost. Nobody's going to take him away, no boarding school, no Asherton mansion."

"Barbara, my love, I think you underestimate my mother. And me. No one would think of taking him away, sending him away. I want us to be together! Can I get that through your thick little head?"

A few days later, after a phone conversation, Judith and her mother drove up to the little house. "Welcome, Lady Asherton, "Barbara said. "And may I introduce you to Terry, my son?' who at the moment was hugging his aunt. Barbara turned him toward the older woman. "Terry, this is your grandmother." He put out his hand to shake hers, but she pulled him close. "I am so glad to meet you. And would you call me Granny? It's what your farther called his grandmother."

"Granny," he said, smiling. "I like that."

Barbara had become quite adept at lunches, and she had prepared a tasty, modest repast.

The four of them had just sat down, when they heard a car arrive. Terry looked out the window. "It's my Daddy!" he said, running out to meet Tommy. "Come and meet my Granny."

"I know her," he said, "She's my mother."


	9. Chapter 9

Consequences 9

Tommy was feeling optimistic, that things were moving in the direction he longed for. Barbara had expressed a willingness to visit Howenstowe, feeling somewhat reassured that her wishes would be respected. He tried teasing her. "Do you think my mother is planning to kidnap our boy?

"Well, I've never been quite able to let go of my prejudices about the nobility, About you. When I see you with Terry, I see that you love him, and I don't think you have ulterior motives. But then I find myself worrying that if we marry, he will be in line to be the 9th Earl of Asherton. Is that what you want? An heir? I don't know that I want that for my son."

"Our son," he murmured. "I won't care if he doesn't want the title, but right now he is just a little boy, a wonderful little boy. Not an heir, not an Earl, just our boy." He took her hands. "Barbara, that first case, when we were put together to have us implode our careers, you found a way to see me as a copper, as a colleagues, not an "arrogant, aristocratic ponce," And I learned to see past your spiny exterior. I saw the tender woman you are. =, and the brilliant detective."

"You know, Tommy, by the end of that case, I had fallen in love with you."  
"Really? That soon? It took me several years to know that I was in love with you," He frowned/ "But if you were in love with me, why did you push me to Helen?"

She laughed, "Because I knew I was totally unsuitable for you. And I thought she was right for you."

He put his arms around her. "I may have to reconsider the brilliant detective bit. Wrong on all counts. She wasn't right for me. You were. Are." He kissed her tenderly. Sometimes when he visited, they would spend the night together, and he found that making love to her was the most incredible experience he'd ever had. She welcomed him into her body as no other woman ever had, and he felt infused with love for her. Even when they just slept together, holding her was peaceful, serene . He wanted her to know how she affected him. "Barbara, do you know that you have healed so much of the guilt that tormented me? You've helped me to get past what I felt about my mother, and about Helen. But I can't get past hurting you, betraying you. If you marry me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Nothing would make me happier." She hugged him, but didn't answer the question.

The visit to Howenstowe dud not go well at the start, They had put Terry to bed after his supper and went down to their dinner. He called frantically for Barbara and Tommy and clung to them when they came up. :"It's such a big house, Mummy, I don't think I could find you." She looked at Tommy. "Could I have my dinner on a tray up here?" He thought it an excellent idea and when down to ask for two trays. His mother came up, clearly annoyed. "He cannot be allowed to control you this way. He has to get used to sleeping in his own room and letting you two have a proper dinner."  
"I'd be careful what you're saying, Mother," Tommy said in a cold tone. "I can remember how Judith and I comforted one another when we'd be sent to the nursery Lonely and scared, but we had one another. But Peter was alone up there, and don't you remember him screaming?"

"Yes, and we let him scream until he got used to it," Lady Asherton said.

Peter had come into the room. "No. I just remembered that it was Tommy who came to stay with me. He'd read to me, keep me company till I fell asleep," He looked at his brother. "I'd forgotten that. You weren't always a bastard. I think I'll have my dinner here too."

Their mother flounced out and went down to the dining room, where Judith sat, moving her cutlery around nervously. "Mother, this is ridiculous. Let's have our dinner upstairs too."

The conversation must have gotten a bit too loud, because Terry came in from his room next door, carrying the bear he'd brought from home. "This is very nice!" he said, "like a party" and he crawled into the bed where he promptly fell fast asleep,.

In the morning, Lady Asherton heard Terry moving about as she crossed the hall outside his room. He was looking for the toilet, which she led him to, asking if he needed help. "Granny, I'm almost three years old!" he protested. She suggested showing him how to get downstairs, so he would feel safe letting then have dinner there. "Well, couldn't you all have dinner in Mummy and Daddy's room again?"

"No, because we have other guests coming, the vicar and some friends." She had an idea. "But you could have a bell. You could ring it if you needed your parents and they would come." That seemed to work, and they tried the bell out, to much laughter. When Barbara saw the two of them chuckling and ringing the bell, she began to have an epiphany, She and Terry – and Tommy – could be stronger than Lady Asherton. All could be well.

And that night, after dinner, she told Tommy that yes, she would marry him.


	10. Chapter 10

Consequences 10

It was Barbara's choice to marry in the small Anglican church in Nanrunnel, and one of Lady Asherton's friends told Tommy how pleased the townspeople were. "I think I'm speaking for many of us. We felt left out of your first marriage, deprived of the pleasure of wishing you well. And if your mother thinks we're shocked or disapproving because of your son, she's wrong. We like a love story as much as anyone in London might, and we wish you all much joy." Tommy grasped her hands with a heartfelt "thank you!"

Living in Barbara's little house worked out well too, as Tommy found that it was quite a reasonable commute. (Thank you, Tess!) He bought them a sturdy car, convincing Barbara that it was best for Terry, and so he drove her old one to the station in the morning, and Denton picked him up in London for a quick drive to the Met. He couldn't quite believe how well things were going, how happy he was. He thought she was too, especially when he called her Mrs. Lynley. "Yes, Tommy, that's who I dreamed of being. Not Lady Asherton, never that." In response to his cocked eyebrow, she grinned.  
"When I have to, I'll do my best." He drew her close and whispered "I have no doubts."

"Really, Sir? None at all?"

"None, Ma'am," he smiled. "I have to admit that I was worried about how Terry would feel about my being here full time, but he seems quite happy."

"He loves you. I laugh every morning when we wake up to find that he has crawled into bed, between us. It doesn't seem to be to keep us apart, but to be with both of us. He doesn't have any of my doubts about you." She kissed him lightly. "You're a really good father, Tommy."

He looked at her, frowning. "You still have doubts about me, my love? Will I ever win back your trust?"

She grinned. "You're getting there."

Other times, Barbara seemed remote, preoccupied, sad. He finally questioned her, pulling her down on his lap. "It's when I think of Helen, that I have all this happiness because she was killed. I'm not exactly guilty, because I didn't make it happen, but if she had lived, I wouldn't be your wife. Terry wouldn't have you in his life."

"Yes, you would, and he would,' Tommy said, looking directly at her. "I would have made it happen, I assure you. You helped me get over the guilt about her death. Now let me help you." She put her head on his shoulder. "See, that's where my doubts come in. I don't think we can ever resolve them, so just leave it, okay?"

They went on solving the things they could. Lady Asherton was coming to understand that Barbara was more formidable than she had thought. When it came to the boy, she was adamant, and "Granny" realized that her role in his life was limited and that she'd best back off on her theories about raising a child of the nobility. Her sons also seemed to join forces with Barbara in letting Terry be a little boy. No frills and certainly no title.

So the things that remained insoluble stayed that way, but they both felt that their happiness with one another and their family made their lives joyful. And one day, Barbara told her husband, "You know that sister you promised Terry? I'm pretty sure she's on her way." And that was a promise for a golden future.


End file.
